The Great Matchmaker Revival
Saratoga Living Insider Gabi Acierno is one of many matchmakers stepping up to provide singles who are fed up with dating apps a different approach to finding love.
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I hear it over and over again at our Single in Saratoga events: Singles today are fed up with the current dating scene, and in many cases are willing to try new (old) methods of meeting people. One such method is speed dating. Another is hiring a matchmaker.
Now, when I picture a matchmaker, my brain automatically goes to the disgruntled one from Disney’s Mulan, who criticizes Mulan for speaking without permission and being too skinny to bear sons, before declaring in front of a crowd that the maiden will never bring her family honor. (To be fair, Mulan did serve the matchmaker tea with a cricket in it and light her on fire.) But the matchmakers of today look a whole lot different than those of 5th century China.
I recently caught up with Gabi Acierno, the newly minted matchmaker behind Saratoga Sweethearts, to find out more about what a 21st century matchmaker does. If you’re interested in learning more, join Saratoga Living and Saratoga Sweethearts for our pre-Valentine’s Day speed-dating event this Wednesday at Saratoga City Tavern, or reach out to Gabi directly.
Where did your interest in relationships and dating come from?
I’ve always been fascinated by love and relationships of all kinds. From a young age I knew it would be important for me to find a partner I could build a life with. No one really tells you what a long-term commitment entails, or how to pick the right person, so when I started dating, I made sure to internalize lessons from every experience so I knew what I wanted and would be able to recognize it when it came my way. Fortunately it did, and I have been happily married for nearly a decade. Over the years, I started to see statistics on loneliness and hear dating horror stories from loved ones, and thought I might be well positioned to support people in this pursuit on a larger scale. Why not, right?
How’d you go about actually becoming a matchmaker?
I took a course with the Global Love Institute, taught by seasoned professional matchmakers, and received a certification. The course gave me a wealth of information on how to navigate the industry, and also access to a global network of matchmakers across the world that I collaborate with to find/provide matches for clients and share best practices. I met my husband in a different country and never would have expected to end up with someone like him, so I really try to encourage people to keep a “geographically open mind.” I maintain a local presence, of course, but I think it’s fantastic to have the option to look far and wide.
Why do you think matchmakers are making a comeback?
We are in an era where trying to find a long-term relationship has become something of an unpleasant job. There are a lot of social and cultural trends at play, but dating apps are a huge factor. Apps still work for some, but generally you are at the mercy of an algorithm and have to sift through a sea of spam, scams, and bots. Plus, the likelihood of finding someone to talk to, let alone go on a successful date with, has become increasingly rare. Social norms have changed as well, with fewer people working in offices and going out with coworkers. People are overtired and understandably frustrated.
What are some of their frustrations?
The apps are the common denominator. The experience has degraded to a point that people talk about them like a vice (“I deleted all the apps out of self care”). It also seems like people are flakier these days, with ghosting and poor communication a frequent problem. The great thing about matchmaking is we only work with people who are serious about wanting to find a relationship, and we are involved every step of the way (short of chaperoning dates). So, typically the worst that can happen on a matchmaker-set date is that you won’t feel a “spark”—which of course is the only thing we can’t account for. But also, sometimes a spark needs a little time to grow.
How does Saratoga Sweethearts work?
Well, first and foremost, anyone who’s single and looking should immediately join my free global database. The database stores your profile privately—only I can see it. There are no guarantees, but if I encounter another matchmaker who is looking for someone like you, you might get a phone call from me asking if you’d like to go on a date. If you want to be more proactive, you can opt for a matchmaking and/or dating coaching package, and I will work with you to determine what kind of services and support best accommodate your search. The first practical step is to send me an email or give me a call so we can set up an intake.
What’s one piece of advice you'd give to someone looking for a partner?
To ask yourself what you value most. A lot of people think having shared interests and hobbies is the most important part of a relationship, and that certainly matters. But studies have shown that shared values are by far the best predictor of long-term relationship success.
Why is working with a matchmaker sometimes better than tackling dating on your own?
Most people struggling with dating are repeating patterns in terms of the types of partners and relationships they seek. We try and identify these patterns and determine where they come from, then reassess what you’re truly looking for. We frame the notion of “lowering your standards” to “broadening your fantasies.” It sounds very corny, but new worlds can open up to you if you’re willing to be a bit brave.
—Natalie
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